I think one of the problems I had with this class is that I substituted my tech tasks as actual blog posts. I put 100% of my effort into creating a meaningful image, product, or video, and I didn't let myself go beyond the assignments. In the end, I was only willing to go one place (what we were required to do) and not to that unknown ECMP was presenting to me. I felt like I was doing a lot of work (sometimes tech tasks would take a whole evening or days to complete), which exhausted me. Because of all the learning I was required to do, my brain felt stuck in a need to go back to the old Erika before blogs were an essential component of my life.
The main problem is that I don't think learning, in general, can be contrived and manipulated: you need to have the motivation and interest to actually want to delve a little deeper. To me, learning all this new technology and the process has to be very organic and relevant. By this I mean that you can't force yourself to explore and expect to feel satisfied, there needs to be a spark, a catalyst to set the gears in motion. I fear my lack of enthusiasm for all this TECHNOLOGY, TECHNOLOGY, TECHNOLOGY has reserved my ability to actually want to go deeper. Even as I write this, I realize the contradiction: my lack of enthusiasm has motivated me to write this blog post, why couldn't I have done this earlier? I don't feel I was ready to let go and integrate my life and technology or maybe I am trying to find an excuse...I have my comforts and just throwing me in with technology and hoping I would feel alright scared me. I think I needed time but, of course, we don't have the time, time is strict and unforgiving.
I wish I would have let go sooner, but I held on to this idea that once the class was over that all this pressure was off of my shoulders to continue exploring. But learning with technology is a never ending journey. As I continue to learn and grow as an educator, technology needs to be an essential part of the process. We have just barely scratched the surface and this learning, relearning, and unlearning, has already begun.
I am afraid that my passion of podcasting came a little too late for me. This is one of the only things that we have learned about this semester that I feel interested and engaged in. I am not saying I have been snoozing all semester, everything else was informative but not personally engaging to me. I could have written blog posts about these topics but without passion or enthusiasm, how am I supposed to sound engaging and authentic? I tended to filter the uninteresting out of my system and not bother with any of that kind of exploration related to these topics.
The same went with commenting on other peoples' blogs. I have made a significant amount of comments (probably more than blog posts) but I filtered a lot out. I suppose that is all a part of the process, but then again, I still haven't found a lot of things that interest me. Curse my inability to adapt!
Maybe being stuck was an act of rebellion, maybe it was laziness, maybe it was fear, maybe it was inexperience, maybe it was self-deprecating, maybe...anything. I feel dissatisfied and I don't know how to make things better...
The semester is winding down and all I feel is frustration and anger, as opposed to the satisfaction I had hoped for...
Certainly my goal was not to frustrate you or anyone. As our discussion a few weeks back, I'm trying to create a learning experience that will allow you to make the most of the opportunities. I'd like to think this course has some underlying themes of connectedness that will serve you well in your future. Part of being connected does involve learning and exploring skills and tools that can serve that purpose.
ReplyDeleteI also think that a little cognitive dissonance is a good thing. Having that feeling of frustration combined with the knowledge that there is more out there often allows us to find answers we'd never have found otherwise.
I always hope that along with the connectedness you'd be able to see that there are some major shifts occuring in our world that should surely impact how we learn.
I'm constantly seeking how to make this learning journey more effective for everyone. I'd like to hear what you think might help.
I think that underlying idea of connectedness really had me scared, too. As I continue to reiterate, I like being stuck in my cave, my island, my shell of thoughts and am hesitant to go out and connect with people in real life, let alone people I have never actually met in person. It could be because of a sheltered childhood or because of the barrier I create between myself and other people, but I have never been very comfortable with meeting new people; it has taken almost two semesters for me to find a solid support of friends, people I have pretty much had all my classes with these past two semesters. I hear people posting blogs about expanding their PLNs(even over 100 people) and I don't know if I can handle that yet, afterall, I am only in first year education. It was just a lot of information fast and feeling overwhelmed, I guess, is the best way to describe it.
ReplyDeleteThis class definitely had the most work out of any of my classes this semester, as assignments had to be completed daily and taken care of immediately; it was integral that you check your e-mail, look through your reader, and possibly post a blog or a comment every single day. For those who are procrastinators, it is hard to get on that kind of strict schedule (I know I found it very hard the first month and a half). Because we are expected to be on track and with the rhythm from the beginning, it's tough, especially since we haven't had a great amount of experience with technology, let alone, technology for use in the classroom.
I think this growing frustration also has a lot to do with this semester coming to an end. I have SOOOO much stuff to complete and this is just another thing I need to do. With only a week left of classes, I am getting anxious.
Don't get me wrong, I have LOVED this class. It was definitely one of the most interesting and informative classes I have taken. Although I may not have been fully sastisfied (as I regret I could have done a LOT more, in terms of exploration and blogging), I feel better prepared to face this new technologically advanced world. Before this class, I was scared to touch any of it; no one had introduced me and I was not planning on braving the depths alone. It was great to have someone holding your hand, telling you everything was going to okay. This class was about an exploration to a new realm and although I may not be comfortable NOW I know I WILL feel comfortable when the times comes. I just need to be patient; waiting is, most definitely, the hardest part. Thanks for a great learning experience.
I do want to learn about these technologies but because I am so early in my teaching career the cogs in my brain aren't turning to their full potential yet. I keep trying to kick myself in the butt, but I somehow convince myself that I have plenty of time. I also feel at a disadvantage because some students in the class are close to the end of their university careers. I know this shouldn't be a problem but it does intimidate me. I feel like I can't and won't be at that level for a long time and I syke myself out.
ReplyDeleteI hope these long answers prove to be helpful, Dean. I know I will always continue learning and growing in this area because I have finally come to the understanding and realization of the importance it has not only in my life as a teacher but as a person, and you and this class has a lot to do with it. Thanks.
I am not a teacher, but when YOU are, won't you be connecting with people - students - you have never met on a yearly or quarterly basis? You will be continually meeting new parents, new students, and new administrators who come in and out of the district or move between buildings.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy cocooning at times myself, so I vaguely understand your sentiments. But as far as career choice, I can name only a few professions where you'd meet MORE people, where people would come in and out of your life, than teaching.
So what is it about teaching that draws you to the profession?
Unlike almost all of your fellow students across Canada you have had an experience that will help shape you as a teacher. Using all of what you have learned and integrating it into your pedagogy will make you one of the best teachers in Saskatchewan.
ReplyDeleteYOu have a chance to be mentored by two of the most world renowned experts in the field, Alec and Dean.
Please continue to blog and reflect about your learning. Develop a PLN and use the network to make you a better teacher.
YOu have taken the first step to understanding technology in the classroom and you are leaps and bounds ahead of most practicing teachers in North America.
Don't give up and continue to be a learner. I learn everyday from my PLN. Thanks for being a blogger and a student that "get's it".
I wish I had a course like this when I was in University.
I concur with @Mr. H! You have a bright future ahead of you as documented here with your willingness to be open, reflective and conversant. Learning is social, as well - so the tools for learning through your blogging/commenting, podcasting, etc will all benefit you in the future. Keep smiling and keep moving forward - you are off to a great start!
ReplyDeleteThe very fact that you care enough to write so passionately about your feelings makes me realize that you've had a great experience. Consider this: have you ever had a class that ignited so many feelings, and at the same time gave you the tools to put them out to the pubic? Most of the time, when we feel frustrated, we also feel lonely, and that's not the case this time, is it? Doesn't that feel pretty good?
ReplyDeleteLearning about new technology is hard, but I'm guessing that it is the change --the recognition that we're looking at social change that is forcing us to adapt -- that is the hardest part of this. Keep challenging yourself, keep growing, and at the same time, be patient with yourself. This stuff takes time.
@Debbie - It was my initial passion for the arts that attracted me to teaching. I was fortunate to have a great support of educators throughout my high school and elementary careers who not only encouraged creative thinking and working, but were creatvie thinkers themselves. To be a support for children and a role model is something I hope to achieve.
ReplyDeleteI believe that everyone is an artist. I am not saying that everyone can render a photo realistic painting, but everyone has an extremely unique experience and perspective, which can be rendered in a uniquely personal way. Art is not painting, art is an expression. I hope to show the future generation this idea: the aesthetics of the world can be rendered in any way they can possibly think of. I believe creativity is one of the most important life skills we can possess.
I can work effectively with new people but whether my experience with them will be authentic and meaningful is debatable. I am not a complete social misfit, haha. ;)
Galleries also have positions available for arts education graduates preparing activities for gallery visitors, tour groups, and children. It is also something I am interested in after my graduation, but who knows what the future holds...
@Mr. H and M Coleman - Thanks for the encouragement!
@Richard Schwier - This class has provided for me one of the best learning opportunities EVER. I feel honoured to have had the opportunity to learn with Dean. And yeah, it feels amazing to know there are people out there who are willing and enthusiastic to help. It is not often that you can connect and relate to so many people from such a diverse amount of places. Thanks.
Erika,
ReplyDeleteI can understand some of the frustration that you are feeling. Being one of those students in the class that is almost done my education degree (18 days and counting), I can only say to hang in there. I only wish that I have taken this class in my first year, prior to doing my internship. The tools that you are using here will help you immensely throughout your career as a student and as a teacher. Also just think of all the educators that you are beginning to connect with...these people will be great assets to you during your internship and other aspects of your career. You have a pool of educators to ask for assistance and to pick their minds for ideas/resources. You and your future students will benefit!
Best of luck with the rest of your semester!
Tessa
tjordan.wordpress.com